Holy Crap this new Batman games looks awesome
Missed Idol last night, thanks Internet
Also…
Nothing motivates me like the threat of shitting my pants
So I went for a walk today after eating dinner…like, RIGHT after dinner even though Kali warned me it was a bad idea. I though to myself, “Pleeeease, I can handle taking a walk after dinner.”
So I get started walking down towards the lake, iPhone in tow, talking to people who I need to catch up with and wish Happy Persian New Year to. So after making my last call I feel a little push at my rectum. It was not unlike someone waiting at the door after a friendly knock and I thought to myself, “They can wait.”
I was maybe 1/2 mile away from the house and it suddenly became very clear to me that I needed to turn around. So I doubled back and quickened my pace. I knew I wasn’t going to make it at this pace and I faintly recalled from some evolutionary physiology class that when running at full speed all your other urges are put on hold like puking or defecation. Some sort of evolutionary throwback mechanism that helps us flee from tigers mid-poop.
I start sprinting. While sprinting that polite knock I was welcomed with earlier turned into a full-on SWAT team battering ram. I started reasoning that shitting my pants wouldn’t be such a big deal. Would it matter if a few people in Oakland saw shit running down my leg, left shoe untied, breathing heavily, with a slight twinge of embarrassment on my face?
I pass a couch that has been left for some hipster scavenger, I think this would be a nice place to just sit and shit. I mean I may have not been the first to relieve themselves all over that couch. As I pass by the couch I see some normal person pissing on the side of a building, I think to myself, maybe I should go and shit right next to that guy, kind of like a camaraderie thing.
Every alleyway became a beacon of relief. Passing children in strollers made me jealous, because they probably just took a shit. As I closed in on Kali’s apartment, my biggest fear became the possibility of shitting my pants as I was at Kali’s door, victory snatched from my hands as it has been so many times before.
I made it.
People ask me, “What motivates you Pouria?” Now I know.
MSTRKRFT
Went to their show at The Independent last night. One of the best shows I’ve seen. I hereby decree that MSTRKRFT must always play a show the night before Persian New Year in whatever Metropolitan area I am living at the time.
Real Good
How to stimulate the economy
Thanks to Warren Ellis’ link I now know the economy
White people: Always making fun, then taking over
I was talking on instant messanger with my friend Echo. She is a white person. I was letting her know about sweet lemons, they are a persian favorite. Hella juicy, sweet, and lemons. She was excited by the prospect and wanted to know where to get them. Persian stores I pronounce.
I then got on the tangent of how when I was kid I would go to school, take pomegranates with me, and get made fun of for having this weird fruit…and being fat and persian. But a lot of it was the foods I would bring. None of my classmates had seen a pomegranate let alone ate one. No one wanted to eat them either. They thought it was weird and I was weird.
Granted, I lived in Virginia, but still pomegranates were not common place across America. Then Echo tells me the trials of Omid, the Persian boy in her elementary who also ate pomegranates and got made fun of for eating them. Now fucking pomegranates are everywhere: juices, lip balms, back yards, sex fluids, nuclear bombs.
White people are always taking shit over after making fun of it. Next it will be sweet lemons. Fucking white people.
